woohoo. SAT tmr. I am so excited. I have realised the paper is not difficult but it sucks up your energy and test your patience and time management. It's getting a little chilly or maybe I am getting sick. The eve of chinese new year's eve.

I was talking to Marie after the meeting and telling her how I feel bad for getting so edgy. I promise myself I will stop today. Marie commented that IT is a SIGN of depression and started howling with laughter. (For a moment, my body stiffened to that statement but gaining composure quickly, I reassured myself that I am more than fine. Just a bit exhausted. Yes, more than fine. ) She then told me her "irritable" episode too, of how she vociferated with much angst early in the morning that she can't stand _____. There you go, my worry and frustration is assuaged. I am not alone and neither do I want to continue doubting myself anymore.

I sympathesized with those who cling on to their parochial views of the 'friends' around them. I want to hug myself and give myself a pat on the shoulder. oh and thanks to jiejun too. (:

Chinese new year is weird without dunman high. Sandwiched in the SBS bus together with hordes of fellow sentimental beings, all pinned down by the sinking memories of the glorious past, we were on full throttle, making small talk with the 'sentimental beings' opposite us(passing remarks about taking SAT on cny eve) , smiling and nodding and smiling and nodding, a skin to hide the anxious soul and flesh that couldn't wait to dash into those sturdy arms of the ever-effervescent alma mater. We kept that part of us alive.

Into the arms of wantian and huiyi. I miss them. Their RJ uniforms, a perfect harmony, in sync with the beige vj uniform. A stark mismatch with the familiar white and blue and metal buttons and various college badges and the awfully short skirts and the deliberate sashaying of the butts. Look, juniors. Don't think you look great and oh-so-cool and carry that air of yes!-i-can-fit-into-the-crowd-now... BECAUSE people are laughing and mocking behind your back and shaking their heads in sheer scorn of how lianish you girls are turning into. uh, I am really susceptible to such phemomenon.

oh, geog S. I have positive comments from the marker. Very promising essay... appropriate techniques and language...some attempt to explore the different aspects... with two "good""... This marks a new era of self-confidence and committment and pushing and pushing and pushing. I love geography man. Oh and I love working with my geog S group. Ryan and his fluffy, AAish concepts of presentation. I LOVE it. It's thrilling when you work with people who are devoted to giving only their best and nothing else.




Be gone.

I love my year ones. I have all their membership forms in. (: of course, the other year twos as well. Why is The Strait Times horoscope always hit bingo... It said that even though I am preparing for a big race... rushing like crazy.. I should give myself a break physically, mentally and spirtually. uh.


This is such a crazy world. I stared gloomily at my students particulars form and was instantly reminded of the times I could have spent reading, studying and enriching myself. Terrible grades, I had. I remember ogling in wonder as bing, sheena and gracia filling in the forms. I told myself I wanted the form too. I want to live my dreams. I have the same form now with my name cast on it like a hard plague. I focused all my energies on those minute letters, secretly wishing the grades would dissolve and then emerging again, fresh and attractive and nice-smelling. You know, there is a reason why building sandcastles in the air is present in the world of English.


It is never too late, I hope.

"Nobody, not even the rain, has such small hands."

Glass menagarie is such a beautiful play. Reading such a play made me feel like acting. I wish I am in TSD at this moment because I want to act. Especially the role of Laura. uh. Silence speaks volume. (:

Anyway, nowadays, by the time I am home, I am drained. I have little breaks and long days. When I am home, I feel guilt-ridden because there is always heaps of work jostling for my attention. oh, one good news. I am starting to FEEL for all the competition songs. Initially, I didn't like ad dominum. I find it reasonably pleasant. The more I sing, the more I can identify with it. We reprised pamugun. We miss gracia and her SCREAM. very funny. During the practice, instinctively, after the ning-noong nong-ning- ning-nong nong ning ning, I screamed. As usual, everyone burst out laughing. It was so embarrassing. haha. FUN though. Later when marcus cued me to scream( for his sake to enjoy another laugh, prob), I couldn't respond. oh well, my weird temperament. heh.

Mr Kuek commented that I improved. He said I sound cleaner. (: hah. yes. That's one energy-buster. CHECK. attended the US talk today. I don't know what exactly the prospects are. Went to hopefully gain some exposure to the US education system. My grades aren't superb. Scholarships, I think, are a bit too farfetched for the moment. goodness, how many thousands people out there are you competing with, you know. I don't want to stretch myself too thin, yet NEITHER do I want deprive myself of opportunities. It's always best to keep your mind open. Anyway, it's only with dreams, burning passion could one be motivated, isn't it... I should keep up with reading. It used to be my favourite hobby but now reading can seem such a chore because I will be thinking I can use that time to complete my econs assignment. I should really slap myself.


dong dong dong-a-chiang. As I grow older(I am very old. EIGHTEEN soon. can i stay seventeen forever...), I feel a greater sense of detachment from such fesitivities and cheer. As much as I want to visit my Malaysian relatives, I want to stay in Singapore too. If I have no SAT, I will skip school on Friday and cajole my dad to bring our family on a short getaway. ah! I couldn't go (choir) to South Korea, geography trip. It sounds enriching and invigorating. The reason I like going for such educational trips because usually after that, you feel ten times smarter and you feel like you can ACE the paper and that the world is so amazing and its stupendous beauty will just blind and charm you into believing exams are equally beautiful and that they are only one out of millions and millions of elements in the world. YES. You will feel recharged and always ready to take on the As or whatsoever. hm.

They didn't call S' paper for nothing. I felt intellectually drained after econs S today. Something about compensating and equivalent variations, blah blah. If Mr Cook gave us notes for that with the diagrams drawn neatly, I could have depended on that to digest at my own pace. We weren't. So it's like multi-tasking. Writing, listening, drawing, copying, analysing and digesting all at the same time. I am not sure whether I really GOT it. I shall go through my notes again during the weekend.

Human and Physical geography: The marriage between two responsible parents who have stopped loving each other. Discuss.

That was our diagnostics test essay question. Isn't that fantastic. I did my fair share of crapping. ah, well. I tried my best to conjure something as logical as I can during that 25 mins or so. I hope they don't KICK anyone of us out. Let the passion for geography fuel us on and let us not always be restrained by the hindrance of marks and results. I feel at home in the geog s class. Of course, we all pale in comparison to Ryan who possesses a wide scope of general knowledge. Thay guy knows all the weird things in the world! Geog S or rather geog is really astonishingly tilliating . Sure, the teachers are young and fairly inexperienced but I guess being youthful and exuberant, only can they keep up to our racing hormones. haha. The teacher-in-charge is surprisingly the youngest of them all, Ms Cheryl-Anne Lim! I hope I can stay because my geog marks weren't really up to standard. ): OH! We got to choose where we want to go for field trip. I will really want to visit Japan again. That will be in march which will definitely clash with choir practices so i picked option 2! msia trip and revision camp!

I guess yingying is right. Day in, day out. lectures, tutorials, canteen, library. I am more or less attuned to this jc 2 lifestyle. Less excitement. More self-control. However, the moment I am home, it's very difficult to start the momentum again. hee. oh well. I have to know where I am going. It's like singing. A sound that has direction will sound more beautiful than one that is scattered. (I have been revising vocal techiniques whenever I am free. kudos to better singing! ) Mr Cook told us how less knowledgeable are the vjc peeps compared to our rjc, hcjc counterparts.

uh, I am one of those guilty, lazy, lack-of-general-knowledge people. I think.

I haven't gotten any good sleep these few days.


MY first voice lesson! It was great. I think it is really helpful and Mr Kuek is really encouraging. I can't wait for the next one.

I think THAT'S ALL for now. SAT is waiting for me.

I had a dream last night. It wasn't the conventional nightmare, but it is still terrible in its own way. I have to tell Pei en about my dream. I wonder why some people have no trust and belief and respect for your friends. It's incorrigible and totally hypocritical if you tell people, WE ARE IN THIS TOGETHER, and the next moment, you slam them down in front of the others. Even if you are just being frank, SAY IT IN OUR FACES then. but HELLO, we are TRYING, TRYING, TRYING. darn. tears in my eyes.

First practice with juniors. I have a lot of afterthoughts after the session. I guess some things are really beyond our control. Let's take things one at a time. I thought sectionals are much more intense now. That is good. (: oh, we saw mayling, jiayun and bing after our combined prac. I miss my seniors! I wish we can be transported back to the old times. I hope the sops yr ones this year could be bonded. Everyone has to make the effort. I really hope every junior who joins choir doesn't regret his or her choice. I am really proud of our sops year twos.

(You know somehow I feel that in almost every entry, I sound like I am leaving the world any moment. Like always missing people.)


On a lighter note! I've got two mortals, one from choir, one from A15. I am going to adopt too. I have who in mind already. ((: Last year, I had fun with the game.

I hope I've got NICE ANGELS.

I love this new template.

What a nice title to kick off an essay. The fate between maths and I has not ended. (: I was happy and yet disappointed with myself that if I have put in just that bit more effort, I would have ended the drought of maths failures. Nevertheless, I might have to kiss goodbye to my econs s. This is pretty painful to me, in the weirdest sense. I love economics.

The rain doesn't seem to stop. Hello, I''m dying to busk under the sun, get a swim, a jog. I feel bloated and gloomy. I have extreme dislike for the swooshing/'pulping' of the water as our shoes cut through the putrid liquid accumulated in circles of all forms and sizes. All around, you see circles, rounds, and the murky brown. Power of entrapment. In the tiny, huge circles. sucked into the pattering humdrum of life. UH. I want sunshine!

I have this soft spot for my classmates. We are very different but all of us are making an effort and I think everyone of us knows. It is not our fault. It is never our fault. doublefivezilchfive. I was just reminiscing the old days when our class seniors were around. The angel-and-mortal games, the stories, and the late nights in school, watching their group pieces. (: I wish I can purloin every remnant of those golden moments. my, I do love tsd in every way. The people. The cast. The crew.

I am raving mad!!!

The amount of paperwork is suffocating me. ONE MORE SET OF MINUTES and PARTICULARS of the year ones. I hearby plead the yr twos to submit their membership forms asap because if I am going to wait any longer to arrange the whole file, I will just explode. This is eating into my study time. While you are slowly taking your time to fill up the form, to put it simply, SIX MONTHS, I was here waiting forlornly to settle once and for all during the more relaxed holiday period. NOW. RELAXED NO MORE. STRESS STRESS STRESS.

I have changed my blogskin not that I grow tired of my previous skin. That was made by my darling junior. I need something different looking for a while. Yes, for a while.

I realise today that I have less than 3 weeks to study for my SAT. I have not started yet. yes, nor have I finished reading measure for measure. Tonight, I am abandoning my maths to finish the choir admin work. -grim- That is not the point, really. I am just LOOKING FWD/SCARED/ANXIOUS/FREAKING-JAWDOPPED by the number of events and things I have to accomplished in a few months. -growls-

Rain, rain, go away...


I like bright, sunny days.


It was supposedly a class event, going to sea regatta. In the end, there were only part of the geogers who decided to crash. It seemed so long ago huh... I remember Ruth wearing the Indian costume, cavorting about. This year, it was Talia's turn. We played tug-of-war with the year ones, roamed around, screaming at big fat red ants and talked to Mr Joseph Tan. -nods- Then I hopped over to join my choir friends and we were drenched in the rain. It's such a sad way to end sea regatta. They didn't even have the traditional duel thingy.

The joint meeting was pretty infuriating. I am looking back now with utter distaste. uh, whatever.

Anyway, I bought the original scorebook. Transposing the chords to the key that is used in my electone arrangement. ((: uhhh! This is so fun. I really love strings.

Tommorrow, school will officially start. I have not yet finished my maths tutorial and econs project. I have to keep reminding myself that I have SAT on cny. Fabulous. I can't wait for choir practice to start!

I am losing touch with vjc.

(:

I feel good in a way. Being involved in this dhsxplore is really an amazing experience. I love the teachers and the vp and p. They are such fantastic people. You can really sense their sincerity and appreciation for your help. We have like FOUR generations of dunmanians working together for this DHSXPLORE: You'll never walk alone. It is a really touching sight.

If I tell you, I never feel irritated at all, it is a lie. The sec two race, comparatively, was so much more tiring and wilder and vexing! The sec twos aka year twos (in dhs) are less hmmm... responsive and more single-minded. One boy actually snatched the attendance from me. I was so appalled. He was disrespectful to his classmates too. Very egoistically dictorship. He was poring deep into his street/bus directory even though I told them to try to ask people. It's faster that way. It wasn't that bad after all. I still love my year threes more though!((: When they see me, they will come to say hi and talk to me... I really think the year threes D2 are adorable. heehe.

Anyway, dunman high is really CHANGING. Their orientation is so high and well-planned. I am envious. I think the PSL committee did a fabulous job. Gavin, sharon, dihua, junda, don, yihan... ((: dhs rocks. I think maybe six years in dhs is not a bad thing after all.



vjc choir year twos, please, PLEASE SUBMIT YOUR MEMBERSHIP FORMS.

I am a happy girl today. (:

I think dhsxplore is really very ... fun and sweet and... uhh. I feel at home. I love those sec three juniors. Even though I only knew them for a day, they have been fantastic people.

At first, I thought, okay, SO these are the level three when I first met my group after the briefing in the morning. The whole hall was thick with tedium. No one cheered. No one seemed excited. I was like oh no, this will hardly happen in vjc. Well, I am glad my fellow dunmanians prove me wrong. Still water runs deeper. ((: The moment the starter game is launched, they sprung to life. hahaha. There was this guy whom I thought would be quite AP, turned out to be quite initiative, offering to plan the route with the other two girls as the others were busy playing the "starter game" We were supposed to complete both tasks simultaneously. I thought we really mingled pretty well with the juniors. oh yes, I was paired up with Junru, my prefect junior! I was like, BOY, I AM REALLY OLD. She was only sec two then, still a newbie... and I remember she was in my morning duty group and I was giving her instructions and clarifying with her things to do and stuff... and now, she is sec four.

We dashed for the first station. I could hardly keep up with the boisterous kids. haha. young adults.(correction) I thought, maybe, dunmananians have changed... like their moral values and stuff... I am really very proud that they have this "GUAI-NESS" instilled in them no matter how playful and gregarious they might get. They boys would always "ahh.. can jaywalk now, you see, no cars... " they won't jaywalk even when desperate. It's like.. at least for my group... the way they carried themselves are still thumbs-up. They are not like DEAD BORING, NERDY. Exactly the opposite... very noisy, very crappy (especially the guys, non-stop 'disturbing' and chattering) and very hyper but they will never cross the line. I think the station at the amphitheatre at the toa payoh national library was commendable. They did a two min performance- the hokey pokey song. VERY ADORABLE. Yuppp.. and the rjc peeps were having their orientation stuff there too. They watched, laughed and cheered. I have newfound respect for rjc. They three-cheered for dunman. yupp.. so sweet. So I shouted and my group reacted with a thank-youish three cheers. I like this kind of amiable exchange. It seems like the world can be friends without all those stiff competition for results. ((:

AND GUESS WHAT? I actually forgot about this until I thought hard again about today and it was triggered off. WE GOT SECOND!!! It was quite astonishing and unbelievable. Junda actually forgot to tell yihan (i think) that we completed his station! Thank goodness, we happened to want to check sth with them and then yihan cross-checked with the D2 group members. oh, my group is D2! YES. When Mr Ang called me to check my group's progress, he told me our group was the fastest or one of the fastest. ((: I was like YAY. hahaha. It came off as a nice surprise because there were so many groups. I am really proud of my group members. (is this the third or second time I have said this ...) They did good planning and they played by ear, responded to the changing situations and had good resistance to the LIFELINES temptations.

I really enjoyed myself today. yes. The girls were very spontaneous, not exactly LOUD LOUD, but moderately, tolerable kind and very nice to talk to. It's easy to communicate and talk to them despite the year gap. Very sweet and u know, brainy, intelligent, forthright...The guys were noisy and REALLY FUNNY. My sides were aching from the laughing. and surprisingly, it's not that difficult to hold proper conversations with them too. Really. At first I thought... ooh, u know nowadays I have this pre-setting in my mind, that generally the guys are of a different maturity level from the girls. The dunmanians sec three guys weren't that childish, u know. -nods- I don't know. Maybe I am biased. I think maybe I shall just marry a dhs guy someday. (I know the next morning, I will wake up and regret writing this sentence because THERE ARE unfavourable ones too. Serene dear and I have some common opinions. so is sherene. I was talking to her over the phone the other day.) I guess I couldn't make such a sweeping statement but I can't really help it. It's like right there in my face, it's like argh. okay, so I am like some kind of feminist now. I am sure I have changed over a year because at the beginning of 2005, marcus said I am like a dreamer, waiting for my prince charming to take me away. I think I WAS. But now, that side of me is diminishing. haha. The thought of it made me want to roll my eyes. Then again, on second thoughts, sterotyping will only make me seem as immature as my male counterparts. So I shalln't. I think it's my luck that I have crossed too many paths with the immature lot of the opposite gender. YES.

I really admire Mr Sng. the new principal. He speaks good mandarin and English, fits the bill of a bilingual dunmanian. When he addressed us in the morning, he spoke in mandarin and he concluded in the evening with English. He integrates with the school body. You know when we were taking a grp picture with all the facilitators, he actually sat with us in the first row... joined us... I really think that he can bring dhs to greater heights. I am sure a few black sheep will abuse the relaxation of the rules but I am even more sure the majority will uphold the very CHINESE integrity and teachings as what I have observed from my group today. They are still very dunmanianish in heart and they know it. (((: oh yes, the winners got these nice trophies... it's very pretty! I want one too! haha.

I have sec two race tmr. I better turn in early and guess what, there is JUNIORS MEET SENIORS SESSION tmr. okay, that is important to me in a way cos' I want to see my JUNIORS. I shall sms serene later and remind her to say there is one girl absent today and her name is siying. hahaha. It's like... last year, I thought my class seniors were REALY COOL. i MEAN, where do they find SUCH MULTI-TALENTED people... THE BIMBOS YET SUPER-BRAINY... The DEEP-THINKERS... THE SPORTY ones... and the BITCHY YET VERY NICE choir-lover... I think in a way, I miss my class seniors. I always think that it's very sad that we didn't get to really know one another well... I mean given the TSD schedule, it is really impossible. I really admire them. yess.. that''s why this year... I hope we at least have a JTS or u know the least least, a dinner gathering with them... ((: Thinking about them reminds me I haven't read their blogs for a very long time. Later.


uh huh. This brings me to the choir farewell party part one and two. I haven't updated anything about them, have I... Part One. I am quite glad that everything went on smoothly despite the major hiccup. The seniors were really supportive. (: I love the videos. Sadly, I couldn't play the SVA video on my comp. Strange. After SVA, I now pay a lot of attention to cinematography... the film techniques and cutting. I have always this embedded interest somewhere... Just that I was never properly exposed to the art or rather I didn't know who to learn from and where to start from. I really am thankful to ben(now happily settled in NS?) and the rest of the crew and cast for the wonderful sva experience. I wish I can write more and better and maybe one day, I will how to direct... Oh, I wanna learn film-editing! (since like donkey yrs ago and yet I haven't made a move) This shall be at the top of my to-do list after the As. I am really interested. I think production of music videos seem really exciting. I like watching music videos. (:

oh yes, part two. I know and yes I know, somehow I am numb to this whole farewell thing. It is not that I dislike my seniors. Goodness, I cried over them months ago and the feeling was just gone on tealights session. It was more difficult to register myself as a year two rather than the absence of the whole yr two cohort. I remember when I was sec four, I felt really weird because all those familiar faces... all those always never tuck in shirts, ap (general seniors)... just normal passerbyish seniors... weren't present when I was on my way to moning assembly. It took me a while to be accustomed to the without-the-seniors surroundings. I think life in vjc is moving so rapidly ... that relationships are really hard to be formed well and strong? (as in generally) Yet, when my turn to speak was drawing near... I suddenly remember all the soprano episodes... I was close to tears. They were the most vivid. Don't blame us for thanking our sop seniors profusely because they really really deserve it. ((: They made us really motivated to sing better, to improve... I remember I wrote to jiayun before... I could tell her that no matter what she did to us, even the chasing the sop twos out episode, we never ever bitched about her. That's why I really think she really led the section very well. I still remember when there was this time she gathered all the sop yr ones and talked to us... then very patiently, she heard us one by one, giving us comments, encouraging us... It's like I am really touched. Biying, mayling, gracia, michelle, simin, sheena, suelynn...

biying- never fails to tell us our problems and give us some tips on how to use your head-tone.. and time she helped train marie for her pamugun solo and practising with us for I thank u god

mayling- dhs senior... she has a lot of OOOHM despite being petite. She listens and she speaks. secretary senior who has done a good job and is so strict with the attendance. (oh, EVERONE PLEASE SUBMIT YOUR MEMBERSHIP FORMS.)

gracia- the pink lady. The one that we all weren't at first so intimidated by, I think. adorable and talks to the juniors a lot...

michelle- our almost sop two sl... carolling sl too... She has such a nice, clear voice. She likes to tease me. :P

simin- at the camp, we shared a lot of stuuff with her. even though she was mia for farewell... I found her really approachable and u know... very nice to hold long convos with?

sheena- the vice-pres... and our games comm mentor! crazy crazy... but very serious when it comes to work...

suelynn- the one that sticks with the juniors even through pcc... and the one who offers voice training for the sop juniors.. and who conducted for us for oriental. thank you. (:

I think not only the sop seniors alone... people like chinleng, calvin, eugene... I am really grateful that whenever we desperately need people, they will do their best to give us a hand. yup.


I guess the reason why i wasn't crying and sad sad because somehow I know vjchoir continues... SENSE OF CONTINUITY. It's like the seniors will never really go away. They will visit us and we'll see them in chorale. So we are still under the same roof, SOMEHOW. However... people like ziyi uhhh... that's a different thing altogether. It seems like he just disappeared from the face of the world. It's sad that he is all the more my dhs senior too. Life has its funny twists. (: Like example, serene, jien and I met leejyun just yesterday at bugis. He changed and certainly looked so much suave than before. We were like WOW.. I think he looks and speaks like cheiren. hahaha.

so much for this entry.






2006! year two! senior! alevels! italy! myfuture! mydreamS!

AND the BIG BIG WORLD out there...

I am a year two. I am a year two. I am a year two!

I can't really let that sink into my head. ): You know, just now, Marie was like... "So are all the year three here?" I was like WHO ARE THE YR 3 as I frantically searched for the presence of a 'yr three' among the mass of 'yr twos'...


I got the SVA vcd. I feel like thanking all those special people in my blog. Tommorow, maybe. My maths is waiting for me! ((:

uh huh. '

Two thousand O Six.

It is a new year. Strange, isn't it... Like one moment ago, I was still moping around in the then 2005... then in the twinkle of an eye, 2006! I am getting pretty sick now, physically, mentally, emotionally. I have been sneezing madly these few days. Can anyone tell me what's wrong with my nose... I continued watching one episode of Love Story in Harvard. Episode 13. gonna abandon that serial for now. It bores me.

I'm getting so restless. sick and tired and my brain is saturated. I feel like the world beyond me is twirling, doing an endless cycle of pirouettes with swirls of psychelic colours framing the very insane image... UH. The brink of nothingness. I shouldn't have taken a short break from maths. Maths keeps me rooted. I was fine until now.

I went out with my sis and friend yesterday. We watched the Family Stone. heartwarming movie. I love rachel mcadams. I think she is really hot and pretty. (: yess and my sis collected THE ALBUM for me. I like this song called "da cheng xiao ai", loosely translated as Little Romance in the City. I think it's such a sweet song. Kiss Goodbye can make me cry. hahaha. I'm serious. The song has the 'korean drama serial' vibes.

2006 means htting myself and asking what I want again

Since young I have always wanted to be a writer, designer. copywriter, composer, pediatrician, psychiatrist, lawyer, photographer, director, baker, hotel/cruise staff. that's all, I think. That's A LOT. Have u ever gotten the feeling that you know where you're going, what you want... and yet at the same time, you are not really sure that maybe all might be an illusion?


AH.


Let's deal with the reality FIRST. Mathematics. (This has been the way I end my entries for very long.)





awww, isn't that beautiful... ((: