Friday, June 01, 2007 @6/01/2007 02:31:00 AM
Lighten Up
I was conceiving an entry about MP, foreign cleaner and the level of cleanliness of the lift. It was supposed to be a thought-provoking kind. I thought, yes, the writer siying is coming back because I can feel lines and lines of words scrolling in my mind. It feels good. In the end, I excused myself from completing the entry due to fatigue. alright, and now I think it is pointless to write about it anymore. Once that moment is over, you can't really recapture it back, can you?
I have been chatting to some old friends online recently. I like old friends. Good old dunman high. Pearlyn showed me this poem entitled "Men" by Maya Angelou. (: RAH. I MISS studying LITERATURE. yep and the whole world seems to be going to FASS! It makes me wonder whether I have made a wrong choice. I think I clearly didn't want FASS because whatever I want to major in is not what I wish to realise in Singapore. In reality, reading literature should be interesting regardless of the places it is read in. But I will like my dream to remain that way. haha. Some visions, I think should be left untouched, should let it be pure and pristine, until one day when you can really match reality with it... The joy you feel will be unspeakable, indescribable. I yearn for that moment... so not going to spoil that for now. yes, idealistic! :D My point is, I have accepted something I am not really sure I want. I try not to think too much. I have seemingly resigned to it. I do feel like sometimes I look forward to go back to school. I want to close my eyes and imagine... varsity life: I will be scrambling for lesson from hall, with a piece of bread wedged into my mouth- totally unglamourous but I don't care less... I will try to catch up with momo who has already started to saunter like a glamour queen and is ( always)looking prim and proper with her lancomehypnosemascara-ed eyes- all bright and slightly impatient. I give a tight squeeze on her arms and grin at her mischievously. Then we will both turn back to ask Jessie to hurry up who is fumbling through her bag for her lecture notes. She looks up from her bag and flashes the pretty bimbotic look and chants, "It is there leh. It should be there..." We grab her and run. Then we see Peishan. She shouts, "Si ying and Jien!" and beams at us in a sisterly way. We get very excited like little children and signal her we will call her after class. well and just outside the lecture theatre, I meet wantian who looks all intellectual and impregnable with her metal-rimmed spectacles. (assuming that she hasn't changed her specs) We immediately launch into a a heated conversation of how STRESSED we are and groan about the heavy workload. yes and I figure whenever I am worn out, I will take long solitary walks to rejuvenate myself...with the envelope of fresh air in the campus grounds... This WAS my expectation.
Now I close my eyes, I think of a school stuck in the middle of town, sweltering, humid, weather, traffic jams, crossing traffic junctions, cars zooming past you, sound of honking... and I get a headache. Claustrophobic. I think: CLOSED. I don't know what is so cool about that. A part of me doesn't really mind going there(with that tiniest glimmer of hope and determination of achieving my initial plan) but drenching up my preconceived impression of the PHYSICAL environment, it just get me pining for another way out. The most baffling thing is that I am not sure how much I want the other way out. 